I started reviewing books back in October of 2014. I had grand visions in my head of creating amazing reviews that a ton of people read and respected. I had ideas of getting a ton of viewers and maybe even making some ad revenue. I was so naive.
I joined booktube and thought, “Oh wow this is a way to get my reviews out there even more! No one is really making a book blog with videos and I’ll be on the cutting edge of reviews. My reviews will be talked about and people will go to my website and youtube for all the updated books that are released. I’ll get free books from authors and publishers and I’ll never have to pay for books again!” I was even more stupid.
Then I was thinking, “Oh wow, I am going to read so many books, this is so awesome. I’m going to be reading like 10 long books a month, reading at lease 6 hours a day, and getting through so many epic fantasy books I’ve always wanted to read.” I am an idiot.
Finally, joining booktube, I thought, “Oh wow there are so many cool people in this community, I am going to make so many friends, they are all like me, and I never had that before. There are so many cute girls, and I love nerdy girls that read books. Maybe I can find a girlfriend that likes reading SFF!” I am ashamed of myself.
I learned very quickly the following things:
- My reviews aren’t that good.
- My writing isn’t that great.
- The website is kind of lame.
- I was really bad at being on camera.
- My videos were not good and the technology I had was rather pitiful.
- I have not read enough books to really have a good opinion on books.
- Getting free books is not a good reason to review books.
- I cannot read fast.
- There is no way I will be able to read as much as I want to.
- I just do not read fast enough to be a great reviewer.
- Creating friendships was easy but cultivating those into meaningful friendships has been really difficult.
- Wanting to find a girlfriend from booktube is just a horrible reason to do booktube and I’m ashamed to have even thought it would go in that direction.
I had to remind myself something very important:
IT’S ABOUT THE BOOKS STUPID, NOT YOU!
The last few months I have been trying to find myself when it comes to booktube. I was still trying to create content that could possibly get me more attention from publishers but I just need to give that up. It was stupid to even think that way.
I have thought about quitting multiple times. I have gotten depressed at times because I really haven’t made a “close friend,” yet. It is silly to think though, I should be doing it for the books. So I’ve been trying to back off from the social aspect some and focusing more on the books. It has been working. I am more healthy about the way I think about booktube and my interactions. I am trying to read more books that I feel like reading in the moment instead of piling on buddy reads to make friendships. There has just been a lot less stress with booktube lately and that is a great thing.
So I’ve decided to totally forget the idea of creating a serious website for book reviews. To stop trying to be perfect or “eloquent” in my booktube videos. I am not out to get free books, make a ton of friends, or turn this into some type of job, I’m here to document my journey through books. This website and my booktube is my book journal. Welcome to my book journal.
There will be some book journal entries for now on just talking about whatever is on my mind when it comes to books, reviewing, and booktube. There will still be reviews but there will also be me just using this as my own personal book journal.